I’m Okay.

It’s been a while, how have you been? I’m writing this with no hidden agenda in mind. This isn’t even for closure. I’ve learned that some things are better left as is, no closure needed. (Si Ferrero nagturo saken nian lol.)

I’m writing this to let you know that I’m better now. Not to assure you of anything but just to let you know that I’m okay. For your peace of mind, even if you dont want to know anymore, I just want to say it anyway.

I miss how much I talk to you about anything and everything going on with me on a daily basis at work. For a couple of weeks I had to literally stop myself from sending you a message about a sh*tty thing that my associate did or how proud I am of my associate’s work. It was hard breaking the routine of spilling my day’s work to you. And countless times I found myself writing about my day to you via Tumblr. I miss hanging out with you and listening to your rants and stories. How you’d tell me about your ass of a client na ginawan mo na ng pabor hindi ka pa mabigyan ng magandang survey. I miss arguing with you on such petty things – from mcdo vs jolibee’s chicken to trusting people vs doubting them altogether. I miss you everyday bud, but I’m okay now.

A few weeks back I’d say I hate you and hope we never met because you broke your promise of never leaving me. But right now, I just want to thank you for the memories. I’m sorry for hurting her in the process of being happy with you. Aside from the memories, thank you for bringing me closer to the Lord. You need not know this, but when we decided to stop, you left along with everybody else I considered friends – MW peeps. They all turned to acquaintances from then on, hi hello na langs. It was hard because I lost my person – you, and I had noone else to turn to. Of course ang never ending family drama ko sumabay din. I was in total disarray. And so I prayed constantly. Asked His forgiveness for hurting your gf and prayed for healing. Yung mga totoong kaibigan yung tinira ni Lord sa tabe ko, I can count them sa isang kamay lang but they were enough. When I lost you, I was physically and emotionally drained but I gained spiritually.

I know you’re okay, or at least you try to be. I know you’re still struggling and you hide all of it from the world but you can’t fool me. I pray for your happiness everyday bhe. Forgive yourself for everything you did wrong so you can start living again. Tao ka lang, nagkakamali din. Andian mga taong handang magalaga sayo pero noone can help yourself but you alone. Things will get better, trust Him. Ikaw nagturo sakin nian, ikaw sana ang hindi makalimot nun. We might have different beliefs pagdating sa religion but we both know how good HE is.

Breath, love. Life is short, please take care of yourself.